Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
