Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she looked like the before picture.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
