My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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