No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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