alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
