Sponge bath it is.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Brb crying the tears of my youth
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
