According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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