when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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