i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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