Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
