he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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