Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
