nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
