if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
