i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Im part way to drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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