Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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