I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
