He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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