i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
