yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
