she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
