I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
