that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
