Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
