well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
