whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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