Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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