Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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