finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
