I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
