No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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