So drunk its hurt
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
