that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
