I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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