I am midnight drunk by noon
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
