if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
