If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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