I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
