We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
