My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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