My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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