i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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