You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
