come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's official drugs can't kill me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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