just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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