A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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