marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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