I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
