there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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