Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize