I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
