My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
