Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
