Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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