I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
