your thong is hanging out like whoa
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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