Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
