Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
