We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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