You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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