Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
