Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
