i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
