cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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