Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
