At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
