If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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