the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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