he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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